Forever Reign - Hillsong
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus
---------------------------------------
This song totally rocks. I will always choose to run to His arms. It is in the darkest hours that we should all the more stand with Him. One of the things about Him that I'm most amazed by is that no matter we do, He still loves us as His own and He will never give up on us. Phew! Awesome guy.
WOOHOO!! My 5-year vow stands fulfilled! That thought I had about one year ago became reality on Monday.
First I saw a 16 in my head. I told God " No, I don't want a 16. I want something like 12. " I declined the 16 points deal for O levels in my head. I reached out for a 12. When I was fearful, I even considered 14 or 15 points to be good enough but He carried me through it all and He gave me a 12 for five subjects.
Even when I was faithless or even unfaithful and undeserving of His acceptance, He still remained faithful and loved me as if I was the only daughter He had. I can never fully understand Him. When I was old enough to start questioning my existence, I received an answer: He created us so we could experience His love and have a relationship with Him.
How many times have I made cracks on this relationship I have with Him? Countless, I'm telling you. And that's the same answer for how many times He covered the damages I made to our bond. Actually, I didn't feel happy yet when I received my results. Truth be told, there was apathy. I actually scolded myself on my way out of the school for not trusting in Him in the last hours even when He showed me again and again that He would come true for me. But there was also forgiveness so I chilled out.
Then, I slowly regained feelings. Happiness came to me. I was grateful for my results. I felt very fortunate cos many of us didn't quite thrive during O levels but I did. I woke up the next morning to check my results again to make sure it wasn't all a dream. Thank God. Life was being sweet to me:)
Dear Daddy God, I'm still not sure about creative writing. But hey, who on earth is 100% sure about what they want exactly out of life? I will trust in You. I think it's the right course. The overview is the sign. Or there is no sign. It's just an indication that it is the one for me. I have moved from visual comm to creative writing to film sound video to digital visual effects only to end up again at creative writing. I want to be sure. But i think trusting in You is more exciting.
Dear Daddy God, please help me. I'm feeling a little uneasy about my results. Quan Xuan scared me just now when he said those friends of his who were supposed to get distinctions got D7 instead. I got a C5 for prelim. Holy smokes. God, I need your assurance that I'll do fine. I really hope for at least a B3 for English. I really want to get a score within the range of 10 to 12. I know I have little to worry about but English seems to make me feel slightly bothered. There are questions whether I can do well in creative writing but I know that if I let You train me and mould me, great things can happen.
Dear Daddy God, I want to really hear You clearly. Please open up my spiritual senses so I will know what You want me to write. I acknowledge that whatever talents, found or have yet to be discovered in me, are given by You. Just as the waters flow to the plants and give them life, so do You to me. I want to be true to You. No more will I deceive myself. I'm aware of certain forces causing me to miss out on opportunites to have encounters with You. Am I scared that my connection to You will get cut off? Yes, I am, even when I know nothing can ever separate me from Your love. It's time to grow. Please, change me into the way you want me to be. I know it's not going to be easy but You'll be there for me and I just have to hold Your hand and not let go. I only find writing meaningful when my pen is touched by You and that it blesses others. Let it be that I do not get distracted by things of the world. Help me to be clear-headed always. I gotta see things through Your eyes when I ask what you would do in situations.
I must serve with the right attitude and reasons. I'm willing to give photography ministry a try. But I gotta develop my skills first I think. It's either photography or attributes. I sure hope I don't screw up again.
Anyway, Daddy God, please keep me calm when I collect my result slip. I will be comparing the truth to my expectation like how I did with last year. It was amazing, what I asked for came true and you kept whispering '9' to me for my N level score and of course, '9' really came out. SO cool. But I know, the greater challenges, the greater the glory. Let's see the glory O levels brings, together.
St. John's Island is cool too. The waters there are clear, like Bintan's. And there are some seaweeds close to shore, like Batam's.
Pollution is rare except for the necessary daily boat activities. The place is at its most glorious state at 5 pm when the sun gently shines its light onto the blue-green waters and it reflects onto the whole beach. The tide and temperature is suitable for feet-dipping as well. Nothing like cool clean seawater to soothe you. I imagined my wedding to be at a beautiful beach where the waters touch my feet when I say 'I do.' to the one I am to marry, love and cherish for the rest of my life. And there it was, a similar beach to the one I had in mind.
But the location..St. John's Island..the place was taken over by beetles. Not moths, not dragonflies, not brown crawlies, BEETLES, the size of ping pong balls. My new friend Grace accidentally stepped on a silver one. Oooh, juices came right out. I never knew beetles were so juicy. What a discovery! Oh believe me, they were crunchy too. Poor girl got freaked out, she's a kind soul alright.
I had to admit that some people did not want to clean up what they had dropped and that attracted the creatures I hate the most. And they had the cheek to complain about the bugs. They even wanted Elizabeth to kill the mosquitoes. And I thought I was the spoilt brat. But I was curious about what Twinkle thought about all this. After all, she was sleeping so close to them. I didn't ask. I didn't dare to. I find beautiful people intimidating. Haha, what a statement.
On the first night after my bath, I was talking to some girls outside the showers when we got ambushed by a flying brown crawlie. I shouted "Back to the bunk!" And we ran for it. As I was doing so, I accidentally opened up my old injury. Man, did it hurt like mad. I couldn't do games the next day cos the pain was intensifying. I have never been in this kind of pain for almost a full day before.
I had the privilege of showering early for both nights but I had a run-in with some of the kookoo(s) on the second. Dang, if they got any problems with me, just say it into my face. Don't be such a wuss and assume I won't bite back. I bite when I should. Thank God I wasn't offended. Immature and unfriendly people eh.
But enough of this people, the games were darn good fun. Tsunami, everyone loved it. Clarice bathed with foam thanks to it. Perhaps next time, there could be better arrangements so that the committee has more time to sleep. Some of the people whom I love are inside that committee. They worked so hard and they deserve more sleep. Peace yo. It isn't mandatory that the committee gets starved of rest every time, ya know?
Okay..I gotta sleep soon.
Lately, I've been staying up till 5 plus or 6 plus in the morning. My initial body clock is like that. I am active at night and I think it's because I was born at night. I have no problems doing that. In fact, I have been able to watch the beautiful sunrise and witness the sky taking on perfectly wonderful hues. The clouds have stories to tell and they do so especially in the morning. It captures my attention so much so I want to fly.
Later, I am going out with my sister with her husband and my niece parked at Teadot while she and I go shopping after which we will all go home to have Tom Yam for dinner. Yum yum! I would have to sleep early to wake up early on Tuesday to meet the rest of my group to go iCamp via a a ferry with the other groups. I sure hope it will all be fun and nothing but good things. Yep. No cynicism cos it's the death of growth and life.
I know I should throw some of that apathy away. But somehow, a little of it is just a part of me. Apathy is the shield and freedom from the pain and shock that I get from hearing big news that would affect me in various ways. It reduces the effect "big news" has on me. Apathy stops me from being Mother Theresa. It makes me lean back and observe the picture before planning on what to do. However, apathy doesn't save me from my logical mind. Sometimes we should let our hearts lead us. Or even better yet, the Holy Spirit.
I'm immune to certain things, thank God. It means that I can be strongly rational about special matters. This gives me advantages in the world out there. For some others, once they are exposed to those things, they pathetically crack and withdraw to hide in their "safe havens". Nowhere is always safe. Nowhere on earth. The only way to go is forward. Instead of letting your guard down most of the time, protect yourself cos this guarantees less damage. Let wounds heal. Scars are the prize you get to keep from daring to experience things. Lessons are the add-ons.
A cell group is a funny thing to have. You're constantly reminded that your own actions partially affect how much you fit in with them and how much you feel like you're a part of them. I need sleep now. I really do. And I want to feel like I'm a real part of this group. I have to stop with the occasional soursops. I think of the particularly fragile friendships I have with some of them. My patience is wearing thin for one friendship. Let's just see how it goes. I have to stop those fangs from growing. I always mentiion the fangs whenever someone provokes me. If I were wearing a mood ring, the colour on that would be pit black. I thank God I don't live with some people. They're so easily offended it makes me want to offend them all the more and go all the way. There's just so many precautions I have to take I can't even let loose till some of those people are not around. I understand about baggage. Everyones carries baggage. It's so heavy..but when someone helps you with it, it gets easier. My baggage happens to be "Afraid of being alone" and it seems like I treat my personality as a baggage too: "My personality is a DC"
Of course, in the logical mind, the DC ensures things get done and she gets her way.
But in the heart, it all happened at the expense of people and friendships. Sounds cold-blooded eh? This is just the unstable DC.
I hate this personality test, the DISC one, it's too vague.
Just go for the Carl Jung Test and Myers-Briggs Test. It's more accurate it describes more of how I am.
Of course most of the first paragraph is the irrational me talking. Perhaps tonight I dream less of the action and more of the peace I need.
It's my Mom's death anniversary. What do people think of death anniversaries? I think it is insane to bring back all the insanely painful memories every year and emo for a while. Totally insane. Why do that? Why can't we just call it 'the day so-and-so went to a better place' ? Then everybody can stop weeping. Can you believe it that some people weep only because they think it's being loyal to the dead ones? Nuts.
I'm glad Mom went to a better place. She didn't have to deal with all the shite that followed afterwards. It would only break her heart. Then again, if she was around, we wouldn't have made the mistakes we made and learnt the lessons derived from each misdeed. Of course there were side effects to this arrangement..I got Mommy issues. I can't stand a baby, toddler or kid when he or she cries terribly for their mother or throws a tantrum. I would go like this in my mind: Hey kid, listen up. When you cry, your Mommy comes to you. When I cry, my Mommy doesn't cos she can't. So shut up, mister, princess poppy. Turn off the waterworks or so help me I will join you in tears.. T.T
And..there are areas in which I have not grown up yet. It's okay. Everybody has at least one kiddish side of them that remains. Mine is not being able to separate two closely related topics or matters. I still am private and get easily hurt.
A few hours ago, I got blown off by one of my mates and I didn't exactly got hurt..it's just that the bad ass in me was summoned by her action. But I couldn't bring that out cos that would be wrong considering the circumstances. I would be looked upon as a total asshole with childish reactions no matter how little I was at fault. The 'I knew better' one who slips up gets the bigger blame. The situation with Andria the other year, yeah, I got pretty much all the blame when I was the one in so much pain and confusion I had to get pills to stop the tension headaches. What the hell? I always get the blame just because I'm the mate who has stayed on longer. I wanted to tell those people to just go to hell. If one more of such things comes up on the plate God so help me I will lose it big time to those who trigger it.
I felt like I didn't belong anymore. That person was trying to take almost everything that mattered to me. The people I love. The friendships I developed over the years. Trust. But I did settle something. I come to church to meet God. God's a good god. God was the only one I felt who didn't leave me. I even felt like I was losing Marilyn. But God stayed. It showed me how faithful He is to me. And that I needed to trust in Him to make things right. It was His battle against a tiny human being's ways which disturbed me. Of course He won.
You can always count on God to make things right. He sets your course, no doubt. He's doing great as a navigator too. In times of need, cry out to God, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. No matter the plans you make, He always gets the final say. And if I had the choice of making changes in my past, I wouldn't make it. Cos then I never would have felt God so strongly and heard Him like that. God rules. He reigns.
If you ask me what my most precious experiences are, they would be the ones I had with God.
I'm somewhat recovering. Of course, I am back to the 'Underworld' after a long and energy-sucking fight with the O levels Monster. I won. At least I believe so la. It's a bit weird and difficult for me to be reintegrated into this world perhaps cos I am used to fighting with studies monsters as I have been for the past five years. This is Geraldine and it's the way she is.
NO, I want my life back. And if the studies monster still bothers me in my dreams (I dreamt abt studies four times, once abt social studes, twice abt food and nutrition and the latest is that I screwed up the last paper), I will settle the score with it once and for all, man. I desire the life when night time is the period when we are most energetic and we just talk and laugh through it all perhaps with some ppl drinking 5% alcohol and others eating potato chips along with the rest of us playing strategy games like Monopoly Deal. =P I hope Clarice can join us though. It'll be so much more fun with her around. Movies movies! Play pool! And people people people! I need to catch up with everybody la!
Gosh I hate my old injury. The pain shoots and I can't move and I don't know what to do. And the thing is just because people can't see it, they think it's not serious. Wait till they taste the pain. Oh wait, they won't. It's internal, you...people. ..
Gonna continue watching how i met your mother. HAHA. so good and funny. Alright.
I feel empty. There's hardly any true feelings left. Am I still true to myself? Or have I fallen a deal too great that I have lost myself?
What is at the top priority of my life? I can't name anything. Careers can be the closest thing but where's God? I know He's watching me.
I wish I was what I promised Him. I am aware that God may be using Meng Yee on me even though He doesn't have to. I wish He would just come into the room instead of looking through my window. Come on, step in. Show me mercy and hope or smite me with your lightning.
Do I have a vision from God? Do I get to have one? Or I don't cos I'm gonna die soon? I wonder if God gave anybody a vision and that person could not live to fulfil it. While that person is carrying the mission, riding the waves with the greatest agility and then suddenly taken out of them right into the clouds to be told that his time on the earth was done. It's stupid to me, insane and get-outta-here nonsense.
Will I have a vision? My faith is shaking. What if it's already time to choose and He doesn't tell me? I will be doomed. But career paths aren't everything. People are. God is. I would say my leader has expectations of me. I would say I felt pathetic one too many times and I hated it so much I could gather the strength of a lion and smash the faces of people who laugh and scorn at my state even when I didn't deserve such mockery.
There must be more poly choices. Singapore is so pathetic la. The art here is terrible, half of which are done by sluts. I can be a curator. But how many people's lives can I impact? A photographer? Do I have enough talent and will I be paid well enough steadily in the future?
A scriptwriter? A playwright? Do I have enough creativity and talent? Will I earn a lot? Will I even be employed?
Oh God, I know You will help me and bless me which ever path I take. I know. I want more. I don't want you to be an outsider. God, please be the insider who will never leave even when I make mistakes. How can the Holy Spirit be so timid? After all, he won so many spiritual battles against vicious demons.
Where are my guts? My personality only seems activated when there's someone else I know around. AHH!! I feel like a freakin' programme. This can't be right. Give me light and bright emotions, God. I don't want to be the lifeless drunken useless oaf who staggers on the street only to go to the nearest drain to vomit out the contents of his stomach, as if he's not already empty.
Give me life, hope, mercy and I will give you the glory due to you, the determination and willingness to complete the mission you give me.
I want growth, to wear your sunglasses so I can see everything through your perspective. I need you, faith and your love. I will travel light with my phone, cam, notebook, pencil, and possibly my laptop.
GET A LIFE.
You have won my heart.
For you I will write.
Don't let me disconnect from love.
As you display a love serenade,
You have won my heart.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1)
adelesdiary- Geraldine
Syndicate
